Marriage Extinguisher

For many married Christian couples, it is nearly unimaginable that a spouse might cheat. In reality, though, infidelity amongst religious couples remains nearly as high as the national average, which hovers around 60 percent, according to Dr. Willard F. Farley Jr., licensed psychologist and author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage. A survey from Ashley Madison, a website made to set married people up with affairs, shows over 70 percent of its users label themselves as Christian.

That’s a problem. When Christians cheat, it can come as a massive, unexpected blow that is difficult to process without help. If you or your spouse has gone through an affair, and the two of you wish to reconcile, it’s time to visit a marriage counselor. There is no shortage of help—an army of books, articles, and psychologists are at your fingertips. Before you do anything else, use them to get started along the path to healing.

But that’s not what this article is about—if you’re like most, you’ve probably got a handle on that end of things. We’re going to talk about what few consider and what many misunderstand: what the Bible says about how to handle the ultimate betrayal.

**Recognize adultery as a sin.

Proverbs 6:32 puts it best: “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” Therein lies the essence of what sin is—self-destruction. God doesn’t lay down His laws just to control us or keep us from having fun. His every mandate comes from a place of endless love for humanity and from His infinite perspective that sees all ends. God knows that certain behaviors hurt us—if not now, then later. These behaviors are what we know as sin.

Adultery seems to hold a special place amongst all sins—it is one of the Ten Commandments and is mentioned numerous times throughout the Bible. This is not because any one sin is worse than another in the eyes of God, however, but because adultery wreaks a special kind of destruction in the human heart. Think about it. Your spouse is supposed to be your refuge. They are your safe place—the person who you can trust more than anyone else in the world. That’s why being betrayed by your spouse is an event from which it can take years to recover. 

This is why God forbids adultery. Marriage is supposed to be the ultimate refuge, and when we break our vows, we turn what is supposed to be God’s gift into a nightmare.