Taken For Granted?

Being helpful is a good trait … but some people will take advantage of your willingness to assist. Here’s how to stop being taken for granted and have healthier relationships.

Why do people take you for granted?

Relationships always involve a give and take, but in this case, the taker is taking way too much. “The taker is primarily concerned about their interests over your well-being. They come first—you are secondary,” says Helene Lerner, author of Time for Me: Self-Care and Simple Pleasures for Women Who Do Too Much and founder of WomenWorking.com. “The taker expects the giver to be there, no matter what. They may give half-hearted attempts at making an effort, but they rely on the giver to do most of the work in the relationship.”

The long-term effects of this dynamic benefit no one. Slowly, it will cause your relationship to erode. You may start avoiding your “taker” friend, stop feeling close to your significant other or lose motivation at work.

If you want to save the relationship, it’s all about communication and stating your needs clearly. “If you feel taken for granted by someone, it’s best to tell them what you need,” Lerner says. “To do this, be honest with yourself about your priorities. If things are going to change in a way that benefits you, you have to know what you need and how to express that.” It may seem easier not to say anything, but by keeping things status quo, you’ll be missing out on a more fulfilling relationship.